I’m starting a new series. As I am going through and sorting out my belongings I am discovering items I have kept for purely ridiculous and/or irrational reasons. I’m going to share those items with you and whether I will trash them or treasure them.
The first item I found is from a terrible blind date. I shall call him Joe mostly because I can’t actually remember his real name. The date was so bad I’ve seared pieces of it from my mind. Joe and I agreed to meet at a restaurant. I waited at the restaurant for about 20 to 30 minutes before the maitre’d asked if I was Junebug. I said yes and he informed me I had a phone call. Joe explained his car had broken down and he wondered if I could come pick him up. I know! I should have cancelled right then and there but no I took down directions and broke my own strict rules of never going to their place. I partially agreed because he told me he would come out to my car. I drove to this seedy neighborhood. You know the kind. Run down houses, cars up on blocks, mangy dogs roaming the streets, broken street lights and home of my blind date. I waited in my idling car with the doors locked until he came out. We drove back to the restaurant. He went on to tell me all about his ex-wife, who worked at a fast food restaurant, and their six children. Yes – six. How he had done everything for her and she used him. I wondered if she used him or he was just a doormat. He kept going on and on about how beautiful I was and blah, blah, blah. Here is the deal. Once or twice is ok. 400 times in two hours is creepy. I was done after about 10 minutes but since I was driving I couldn’t do my normal page my bff the code so she could page me and I can fake an emergency bit. He seemed to be having a grand time. I decided after dinner to fake an early morning appointment and do my typical tactic to get someone to dislike me. I stopped at the convenience store on the way to drop him off to pick up cigerattes. I figured most people don’t want to kiss a girl that smokes so I would stop and get cigs in order to avoid that awkward situation. I was back in the car smoking waiting for him to get whatever he was getting in the Quick Trip when he came out with his special gift for me.
I couldn’t freakin’ believe it! On a first date! My smoking didn’t even phase him. I got him home as quickly as possible smoking the whole time so I wouldn’t have to kiss him. I then ignored my phone for weeks. I know. I am so weak but this guy had some confidence to think I would appreciate a panty rose. I could not even cope with him. Why did I keep the rose? I don’t know. I kept it in rose form until I opened it for this picture. Perhaps I wanted to remind myself I wasn’t a completely horrible person because at least one creep once wanted me.