1. You pass out red roses to random strangers in the grocery store.
2. Every Thanksgiving you pick one relative, put out their cigarette and inform them gravely, “The tribe has spoken.”
3. You will only travel with a backpack and run around shouting, “Excuse me! I’m in a race. Sorry!”
4. Your Easter Egg Hunt now includes a swimming pool, big red balls, a sweeper arm and a dizzy dummy.
5. Every time someone takes your picture, you take the opportunity to smize the camera.
6. You have not been allowed to host Christmas dinner since the year you challenged yourself to make the meal with three ingredients (spam, Velveeta and marshmallow fluff), a toaster oven and toothpicks.
7. When you sing karaoke you accost random British men in the audience for not knowing real talent if it smacked them in the face.
8. Your husband refuses to call your marriage a showmance.
9. You have been banned from the neighborhood swimming pool and jacuzzi after the 4th of July celebration in ’09 which involved lots of alcohol, a food fight and the inability for you to know the real father of little Johnny who was born 9 months later.
10. You make all your own clothes often using unusual items such as grass clippings, dog hair and plastic flowers. When people comment on your outfit you say, “Oh, it is nothing. I just make it work.”