Eavesdropping on Myself – Car Conversations

Baby Bug “Mom?  What’s that?”

Me “What’s what?”

Baby Bug “That noise.”

Me “Prince!  When Doves Cry.”

Baby Bug very dramatically “I can’t!  I can’t like it!”

Me just as dramatically “I don’t even know who you are anymore.  I’m going to have to process this with my life coach.”

Baby Bug “Hmmmmm.”

 

On Monday she had big dreams.  “I’m going to hug a dinosaur.  A baby dinosaur.  And I’m going to hug a baby dragon. Awwwww. So cute. I want to hug the sun!”

I guess she believed me when I told her she could do anything she wanted as long as she worked hard enough. Keep dreaming, baby girl. None of those things can come true but I like your style.

There are lots of things I despise about the 3 year old phase such as the massive meltdowns but I LOVE the imagination and the conversations.

Eavesdropping on Myself – Birthday Edition

This birthday was the first my hubby had fun with Baby Bug helping to pick out my presents and cake.  They were both so proud of themselves.  I had to close my eyes and they brought out the cake.  I opened my eyes and they started singing to me.  I was already very confused.

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Me:  “Ummm…Thank you!”

Hubby:  “I put the 3 and 4 on there in that way so it could be 34 or 43.”

Me:  “But I’m not either.”

Hubby: “What? (thinks for a minute) I’m not going to be 45 this year?”

Me:  “Nope.”

Hubby: “Oh.”

I was laughing so hard.  I couldn’t be mad at him for not knowing how old I was because he didn’t even know his own age.

Eavesdropping on Myself – Bad Dreams

Last night I had a dream where for some reason I gave my husband permission to be with another woman.  Before it happened I tried to change my mind but he got mad so I agreed again.  I can’t remember all the details but I know it was my idea to begin with and not his but he did go along with it.  I woke up before anything happened.  I woke up mad.  How dare he?  I lay in bed unreasonably irate at my peacefully and completely innocent sleeping husband.  Soon I had a coughing fit and when he woke I informed him of my dream and my anger.

Hubby:  “I wouldn’t do it.  I would just give her this cold anyway.”

Me:  “That is the only reason?”

He was already back to sleep.  Sigh.  The odd thing is my husband is a nerd.  I mean that with full affection.  He wouldn’t know if a girl was hitting on him or not.  I have always been completely secure in our relationship.  I have no idea where this ridiculous dream came from.

Have you ever woke up irrationally angry with your spouse for something they did in your dream?

Eavesdropping on Myself – Toddler Honesty

Hubby:  “Sweetheart, it is time for bed.”

Baby Bug:  “No Way!  Are you crazy?”

Where does a 2.5 year old get the sentence “Are you crazy?” and use it in completely the right way?  I couldn’t help it and busted laughing out loud.  It is even funnier to me because in 4th grade my teacher had asked me a question and I had replied, “Are you crazy?” and she went crazy on me.  It was the first time a teacher had really freaked out yelling at me.  I knew in that moment I had totally touched a nerve but I had no idea what it was.  I assume now that maybe she was going through menopause or something but then I was shocked.

I was giving Baby Bug a bath when she tooted.  She pointed to the bubble and said, “Mermaid.”  I do not know how my daughter has already perfected the deadpan humor trick but she has.

I fully admit to being in love with this new phase.  I giggle all the time.  I’m sure I will be less amused when Mermaid draws on the wall or breaks a vase but it is cool her imaginary friend is a Mermaid.

Eavesdropping on Myself

I’m slightly obsessed with watching all things Olympics.  This is cutting into my toddler’s TV time.

Baby Bug: “Mermaids?”

Me: “No, honey, we are watching skiing.”

Baby Bug: “Bubble Guppies?”

Me: “Pumpkin!  This is the biathlon!  We are cheering for Bjoerndalen.  He is trying to win his 13th medal making him the most decorated winter medal holder.  We are cheering for him because he is 40 and most people act like 40 years is practically one foot in the grave. Oh, and Burke is the American.  We are cheering for him, too.”

Baby Bug: “Blue?”

For the record, Bjoerndalen didn’t medal in the race but he still has several more events so it is possible he can do even better than 13.  Why are Americans not great in the cross country skiing and biathlon events? The few we had are talented but don’t seem to have the extra umph of the Norwegians and Germans.

 

Bonus conversation:

Being a parent is hearing yourself say things you never thought you would need to utter.

“Baby, you do not stick your fingers in other people’s butts. It is very rude.”
(PS I was clothed at the time of the incident and it was me not a stranger. Thank God!)

The rest of the conversation was…
Baby Bug:  “Poop?”
Me “Yes, that is where poop comes from.”

She has seriously been in a very analytical mood lately. LOL

Eavesdropping on Myself – Social Media Break

Last weekend I took a three day break from all social media.  No sharing on Facebook funny memes.  No Instagraming fun photos.  No Tweeting about the KC Chiefs horrible loss.  I cut myself off cold turkey.  The thing is when you are a blogger I believe you think differently.  Your kid gets her doll stuck in the steering wheel of her Princess Cozy Coupe and is trying to yank her out, a blogger’s first instinct is to grab her phone, take a pic and Instagram it then help her child retrieve her favorite doll and cuddle the traumatized tot.  Only I was on a social media break so there is no photo of the doll stuck in the wheel and you have to take my word for it.  Anyway, things kept happening I wanted to share so I’m sharing them all in this one delightful post.  Enjoy!

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 Instagram Gem:  Dinner with family at fancy Greek restaurant.  I should’ve been an artist.

Facebook Status:  “Cranky Toddler had 1 hour car nap so I took her for a pony ride and now she is down for nap 2…at 5:30 pm.  I win?”

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Instagram Gem:  Breakfast DriveIn Style.  It’s how we roll.

Facebook Status:  “Today Baby Bug’s word, down, sounds like, dumb.  She just asked her dad, “Are you dumb?” and I couldn’t stop laughing.”

 

On Friday I had the following texting exchange with a friend.  We will title this Why My Friends Will Drop Me If I Quit Social Media.

Me:  “I’ve got your goat! LOL”

Goat

Friend:  “Awwww!  I love goats!”  (I knew this which is why I sent the pic but I couldn’t stop there.)

Me:  “Oh Dear! LMAO”

Deer

Friend: ” You’ve been waiting to use these puns all day, haven’t you?” (I had only waited an hour plus I knew it would annoy her.)

Me:  “Who, me?”

llama

Friend:  “You’re all about the llama drama.”  (At this point she might have unfriended me.  I haven’t heard from her since.)

Eavesdropping on Myself: Reality

Remember that time you left your 2 year old with your husband for six days and you came home to a house as clean as you left it?  Yea, me neither.  It looked like I had left my 2 year old home alone to foil two half-witted criminals by misplacing her toys and clothes all over the house.  As I surveyed the damage, my husband shrugged and said, “I tried.  I didn’t do a very good job but I tried.”  While I was gone to Fitcation13 (review post in a few days), my hubby had this happen:

Day one he tried to put her hair in pig tails like I usually do.  After 30+ minutes he gave up.  “I couldn’t figure out how to do them and she kept moving.”  Hmmm…yes, children do move.  “I just took her to school and let them do it.”

At the school he couldn’t open the gate to the door so he just lifted her up and over and then passed them her hair bands.  I bet daycare workers notice a big difference between when a daddy drops off and a mommy drops off.

My daughter wore mismatched shoes for two days before my husband realized they were actually two different black shoes.  He couldn’t find any of the matches so she wore her cowboy boots the rest of the week.

My friend informed me that he did a great job.  He was at her house on Sunday for her twin’s birthday party.  She said, “Baby Bug looked beautiful and had perfect pigtails(he mastered them) and an adorable outfit.”  She said he even picked great gifts.  She did say he was counting down the hours until I returned.  “Tonight is my last bed time and tomorrow is my last breakfast and last daycare run and then she will be home.”

I was missed.

I loved my trip!  I missed my baby but it was rough coming back to reality.  On Sunday, my friend picked me up and we went to a winery before heading to catch my train.  We drank so much and were having such a good time we missed my train my 10 minutes.  There was a wine tasting place at the train station so we tasted some more wine, bought a few bottles, headed to the beach to drink and wait for another friend to come pick me up and take me back to LA.  Her husband was designated driver and her two kids were with us.  After some picnicking and playing, we had the best time.

My friend asked her 3 year old, “What was the best part of today? Bananas? Hummus? Or hanging out with Miss June?”

3 year old:  “Going Potty!”

I lost out to a potty and it wasn’t even a choice.  It was time for me to come home.  Next time, I might hire a maid to arrive the day after I get home.

Eavesdropping On Myself – Baby

Conversations with a Toddler.

New Music Teacher:  “Aww.  That is a cute baby.”

Baby Bug points to her baby doll: “Baby!

Teacher: “Yes, baby.  What is your baby’s name?”

Baby Bug points to her baby doll: “Baby!”

Teacher:  “Yes, you are right.  It is a baby but what is your baby’s name?”

Baby Bug points to her baby doll: “Baby!”

Junebug:  “Ummm…the baby’s name is baby.  She has two babies and they are both named Baby.”

We went for original in our house.  In fairness, she just turned 2 and everyone is either Mommy, Daddy, Baby or Puppy.  I thought about pushing to see if she wanted to name her baby but she is quite happy with the name Baby and I don’t think it is a big deal.  I could just name them myself which seems silly.  I figure one day she might decide to name them until then we will live happily just the five of us; Mommy, Daddy, Baby Bug, Baby and Baby.

When did your kids name their baby dolls?  Baby Bug just started to like them.  She wanted nothing to do with them until we got the Baby which comes with her own toilet which is a discussion for a whole other blog post.

Eavesdropping on Myself – Baby Bug Testing

I’ve been concerned about Baby Bug’s language development.  At 22 months old she never stopped talking all day long but it was mostly babbling and then perfect words here and there.  I started to notice she is the type of child who has to perfect something in her head before she does it or says it.  Which is why I’m often hearing “yada yada yada doggy” or “blah blah blah caca(which is cockadoodledoo – don’t ask me why I thought teaching her cockadoodledoo instead of chirp was a good thing).  I contacted an organization for a free evaluation to see where she stands for her age.  We started with the in-home development test.

The tester asked her to point to different pictures.  Baby Bug correctly identified a ball, a teddy bear and blocks.  Then she was asked to identify the horse on the page.  She hesitated and I had a brainy idea.

Junebug:  “Honey, show us the donkey.”

She pointed right at the horse.

Junebug:  “Our friend has a donkey but Baby Bug has never met a real horse.”  She hasn’t met a real teddy bear either but she sleeps with a fake one.

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The tester started to do another test and gasped.

Tester: “Is that a Tardis?”

Juebug:  “Yep.  It is Baby Bug’s library.”

Tester:  “I have to take a photo of it my kids will die.”

Next, she showed Baby Bug a toy car then put it under a cup.

Tester:  “Where is the car?”

Baby Bug instantly picked up the cup hiding the car.  I was amazed!!

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When my husband came home I said, “Let’s show daddy the skill you learned today.”

I put a princess under a cup and asked her to find the princess.  She picked up the right cup again!

Junebug:  “Isn’t that fantastic?”  I asked my husband.

He took the cups behind his back and put the princess in one then placed them down in front of us.

Hubby:  “Find the princess.”

Baby Bug thought and picked up the one it had been in before.

Hubby:  “Well, now we know she is not psychic.  There goes those winning lottery numbers.”

 

Eavesdropping on Myself – Why My Dr. Loves Me

Last week I was MIA due to a horrible nasty stomach virus or food poisoning.  I lost 10 pounds in one day is how bad it was.

Hubby:  “You need to go to the dr.  Most likely need to take out some other random body part.”

Last time I was this sick it was my gallbladder going sceptic and I had to have emergency surgery and a 3 day hospital stay on super duper antibiotics.

So I went to the dr.

Why my doctor loves me:

Dr: “So what is going on?”

Me:”Blah, moan, blah, groan. But it is not all bad news! I’ve lost 10 pounds!”

Dr: “This isn’t a good way to do it.”

Me: “Perhaps. At least we can officially decree I am not full of shit!”