Smile and say Lotion

A double dip post today!

Weekword with John of The Healing Seed  is Smile.

30 days of photos with this flock of red herrings.  Today’s prompt is Lotion.  A cruel prompt indeed.  The only  thoughts coming to my mind are not clean.  I decided to bend the definition slightly.  Lotion – liquid preparation having a soothing or antiseptic or medicinal action (the rest of the definition is …when applied to the skin.)  I am choosing to ignore the rest of the definition.  When I want to sooth my husband’s ire, I prepare a soothing liquid.  Since our trip to Scotland, he has developed a taste for the whisky.  A glass or two and my husband is more amicable to any suggestions I might have.   Usually this results in smiles for both of us.  I can not believe I was able to combine Lotion and Smile with a straight face and no sexual innuendos.

Some whisky was harmed in the making of this photo.  I do request no one tell my husband I spilled whisky from this $50 bottle.  If he finds out, I may be required to buy a $100 bottle to pay for the sin.  This is why I drink cheap beer.  Who cares if you spill some beer?

Good news which has me smiling:

I am going to be attending the Aiming Low Non-Conference next weekend!!!!  So excited!  My photos in the challenge have not been great but I hope to attend one of the photo walk sessions and soak up all the knowledge possible.

 

Weekword – Observe

Weekword is a weekly blog traveling linking party.  The host picks a word on Monday and every one puts their post up on their own blog on Friday.  Every one does some blog hopping leaving comment love and making new friends.  This week I chose the word Observe.  As I was putting up the post and checking the links, I observed how wonderful it is, for such a small group, we are spread all around the world.  Let the blog hopping began:

John of  The Healing Seed

Genskie of  Genskie’s Written Voices A warm welcome!   Genskie has agreed to be the host next week!  Hop on over to her blog to check out the word she picked.  It is a good one.    

Carmen of Tails of a Biomouse  She usually posts on the weekend but she will get it up.  :-)

Jeneveve of Timballoo Adventures in Illustration

Erika of LinguaThink

Katy of Creating Misericordia

I had two maybes but I’m adding them.  The more the merrier.

Lynn of Wistfulgirl’s World <-A blog friend I’ve actually met in real life.

Meleah of Momma Mia, Mea Culpa

This week my baby turns 1.  I’m happy, sad, excited, tired and melancholy all at once.  I want to observe every tiny detail of her and burn it deep into my brain.

I observe

 her interest in balloons

the way her hair has started to curl

her love for all books

her desire to always explore

her tiny little feet and legs reaching as far as possible

(usually just far enough to get into trouble)

her ability to sleep on my chest anywhere because she feels safe and content

her

As she plays on the floor babbling to herself, I smile and marvel as she figures out how a toy works.  She stops and looks around the room until she spots me.  I smile at her.  She smiles back then goes back to her play.  My heart bursts.  I observe how I will never be the same.  Every day I change with her and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I look forward to hopping around and checking out everyone’s posts.  It is not too late to join in the fun.  Leave me a comment and I will add you to the list.

Week Word: Ultracrepidarianism

Sally of Diario picked the best word!  For more posts on this word hop over to Sally’s blog.

Ultracrepidarianism is the habit of giving opinions and advice on matters outside of one’s knowledge.

What a perfect word for me.  I love to give advice and I usually have no idea what I’m talking about.  My Uncle once told me, “You are the best at talking about things when you don’t have a clue what you are talking about.”  Thanks? I think?  I took it as a compliment.  Surely what he meant to say is “You are great at being able to blend into situations in which you are not  knowledgeable.”   Ok.  Maybe he meant, “You are a great bullshitter.”  Either way I am taking it as a compliment.  So why not dole out a little bit of advice on things I know nothing about.

I can’t captain a cruise ship but I’ve watched Titantic and I know a captain should go down with his ship not take the nearest life boat to shore.

All plumbers should wear thongs.  Enough said.

I’m not a cashier but it would seem to me if you did a survey/study you would people would be less likely to drop their change when you return it to them in the drive thru if you put the change in their hand first and then the bills.  I’ve never dropped my change when it was in my hand first but often drop it if it was on top of the bills.  I can’t pick up my pennies because the building wall is right there.  I think if I add up all the change I’ve lost I could afford a Venti Starbucks coffee.

I would think a doctor desired to look smart.  When I point to a specific spot on my belly and say it hurts, then you press down on the same spot as if you can reach thru to the other side of me and say, “Does this hurt?”, well, it doesn’t make you look very smart.  Plus, it makes me want to slug you.

If you are a whore, you will make more money if you keep working the streets and have less chance of disease than if you become a contestant on The Bachelor.

I’m not a politician but I can tell you taking pictures of your junk and sending it to woman you don’t know is a really bad idea.

A dog should understand the hole he is licking is the same hole his poo came out of and most like will taste like poo.  I do know where his tongue has been and do not want to be licked with it.

How about we make this interactive?  In your comment, leave me a subject.  I will then respond with my opinion or advice on your subject.

Sally asked about the French.   No one does a beautifully told film which leaves you wanting to hang yourself better than the Italian.  However, the French come in a close second.  Have you seen La Cite des Enfants Perdus (The City of Lost Children)?  Several of their films can be very odd such as Les Triplettes de Belleville (The Triplets of Belleville).  The French like colorful hair and sex in bathrooms.  Thank you for asking!

Weekword Witty!

I chose witty before I was attacked by a vicious horrible bug.   It does seem unusual the week I write about bug sex, I get attacked by an unseen bug.  My blog post may have led to retaliation.  It took 10 hours of puking to hopefully rid my body of this bug.  However, I’m so weak from the puking I spent yesterday sleeping the day away.  I’ve discovered it is very had to be witty while asleep.  I’m putting up all the participants now and as soon as I’ve gotten this mean bug put out to pasture I will be back with my witty post.

Until then my favorite bug joke.

What is the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when he hits a windshield? (answer at bottom)

Check out…

Sally at Diario

John at The Healing Seed

Sally at Sow and Sew

Emma at The Gift Shed’s Blog 

Timballoo

Gail at Silk Creek Portal

I will accept late entries to the fun.  (especially since I’m going to be late myself)  Let me know in the comments you did a post on witty and I will add you to the list.

If you want to participate next week, check out the Weekword Portal for the new word on Monday.

Joke answer:  His Ass!!!

Weekword – Witty

“A witty saying proves nothing.”

Voltaire (1694-1778)

wit·ty

1.Possessing wit  in speech or writing; amusingly clever inperception and expression: a witty writer.
2. Characterized by wit: a witty remark.
3. British Dialect . intelligent; clever.

This week I chose the word, Witty.  I consider myself a person with a pretty dull sense of wit.  What do you consider witty?  Can you paint witty?  If you took a photo of witty what would it look like?  Spend the next few days thinking about it and then show us the results on Friday.  I can’t wait to see how witty you can be!

You may be asking yourself, “Self, What is Weekword?”  If you answer yourself correctly, I’m very scared and slightly intrigued.  Weekword is a great event where once a week a blogger(this week me – wink) picks a word for everyone to ruminate on.  This is how it plays out…

1.  Go for it!  Tell me in the comments you want in.

2.  Prepare your post.  We are looking for your interpretation of the word.  It could be a short story, painting, poem, interpretive dance (vlog), photographs, alchemy, sewing project, sand art, macrame, cross stitch, knitting, tattoo, tin hole punch, candle making, quilting, wax casting, basket weaving, cartoon, a diorama, bonsai tree sculpture, drawing, balloon twisting, face painting, haiku, flower arrangement, origami, paper mache, stained glass, macaroni jewelry, etc.  Tap into that inner artist who lives inside around your gluteus maximus and smells of patchouli.  You know ya’all have one!!!   We want to see that person.

3.  On Friday, I will publish my post and include all the participants.

4.  Go around viewing all the artistic efforts of your fellow bloggers.  I would do it sans coffee so you don’t spit coffee all over your monitor.  These are some awesome folks.

5.  We are always looking for new hosts.  Let me know if you want to pick the word.

“You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty”

Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)

Weekword – Quixotic

My buddy, Carmen, over at Tails of a Biomouse chose the word quixotic.

Quixotic –adjective

1. sometimes initial capital letter resembling or befitting DonQuixote.
2. extravagantly chivalrous or romantic; visionary, impractical,or impracticable.
3. impulsive and often rashly unpredictable.

quixotic 

“extravagantly chivalrous,” 1791, from Don Quixote,  romantic, impractical 
hero of Cervantes’ satirical novel “Don Quixote de laMancha”  (1605). His 
name lit. means “thigh,” also “a cuisse” (apiece of armor for the thigh), in 
Mod.Sp. quijote,  from L. coxa “hip.”

 

There is always something engagingly lunatic about Ralph, a Quixotic quality, although his windmills are ditches and his faithful nag a powerful motor-cycle.
-Ustinov, Sir PeterAlexander
  Of Sir Ralph Richardson. Dear Me.
I am always saying “Well, in my world….”  My hubby will admit I tend to have a different reality than most people around me.  True.  In my world, I can bend trees to my will.
It would be so much easier if I could do it with my mind and didn’t have to use my muscles but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
My dream ability often leaves me feeling like I’m out on a edge without a safety line.  
Perhaps it is the wine talking.
Whatever the cause…I’m very happy to live in my own version of somewhere over the rainbow.  

 

FYI – John of The Healing Seed is participating and offering a giveaway.

Weekword – Balance

First of all, I really need your help.  Yesterday’s post is part of a contest and in order for me to win tickets to the Decatur Book Festival launch party I need as many comments as possible.  I’m currently in last place.  If you would be so kind as to hop over and leave a comment I would be ever so grateful!

This week Elena of My Quest picked the weekword Balance.  My mind has been a mess lately.  Last weekend we were at the store and I picked up a bottle of Shout then we went into the next aisle.  As we were standing there I realized that Shout was not in fact the carpet cleaner I thought I was picking up but a laundry spot cleaner instead.  I retraced my tracks to return it.  Then I noticed another bottle and picked it up.  After I returned to where I left my hubby, I discovered that I had picked up another bottle of Shout(in a different color).  Ugh!  I trudged back over to put it back.  When I rejoined my hubby he was just staring at me.  I had been going back and forth between the two aisles and mumbling about carpet cleaner while continually picking up laundry cleaner.

Hubby:  “Are you ok?”
Me:  “No, I’m not.”
Hubby: “Obviously.”
Me:  “Why am I so stupid?  How can I think spot cleaner is the same as carpet cleaner two times in a row.”
Hubby:  “You need to take time to think.”
(He is treading on water at this point.  I decide to keep my mouth shut for a moment instead of decapitating him with my bare hands in the middle of Wally World.)
Hubby:  “Every day you need to sit for a little while and think about things.  You never take time to just think.”
Me:  “Can I have paper beside me so I can write things down as I’m thinking?”
Hubby:  “No!  Just think.”
Me:  “But I will forget what I thought about before I’m done thinking!  How will that help?”
Hubby:  (sigh)  “You can think for 5 minutes.  Write for 2.  Think some more.  Ok?”
Me:  “I’ll think about it.”

This morning when I let the dogs out I noticed the porch was so deliciously chilly with just a hint of warmth.  I grabbed my coffee and notebook and settled in with a blanket to just think.  I can’t tell you what I thought about because mostly I sat there thinking, “Ok.  What do you think about when you are supposed to be thinking?”  I was trying to categorize my thoughts into good thinking thoughts and those not worth thinking about.  Finally I just stared at our fence not really thinking at all until I noticed the way the light hit the fence.

I was reminded of how someone once drew a long line and put a little vertical slash in one spot along the line.  “The line is your life and this slash is just one particular moment in your life.  Is it really that significant when looking at the whole life line?”
______________________/_________________________________
If whatever you are going through is just a teeny tiny glitch in a long line, how can you not put that into perspective?  Why do we occasionally highlight only one point in our life and focus on it when there is a long line of other events?  Why would we think winning a medal at our 3rd grade track day was the only highlight and since then it has all been crap?  Why is it so difficult to balance the dark with the light?  As I was thinking all these questions, I noticed the fence again.

Aha!  The fence was bathed in light and the shadows were slowly creeping away to the bottom corners.  If we could only balance the dark in our lives with the light, we would discover the light will win.  Eventually we will remember more than our 3rd grade medal.  We will remember the 5th grade spelling bee, our first dance with a boy, the 49’ers beating the Broncos, graduating from High School, the way your mom would smell when she hugged you and how clean the whole world looks after a brief rain in the summer.  I know what you are thinking “Great Junebug!  Those are excellent points but how the hell do I find balance and light?”  I have no idea.  I’m going to have to think about it and get back to you.  But if I were to take a guess I would say to simply wait.  Maybe we don’t have to find the balance.  Life is already balanced.  We just have to be patient enough to recognize this simple fact and wait for the light.  As the famous proverb goes “This too shall pass”.

Is there a place you go to find balance?  Have you discovered other truths while just thinking?

Weekword – Catharsis

Emma at The Gift Shed’s Blog picked Catharsis for the weekword.

The first thought that comes to mind with catharsis is purging.  Specifically in the arena of vomiting.  Nice.  Right?  I aim to please.  I can’t say I love to vomit but I usually feel ten times better after so I don’t rule it out in general.  I wonder why throwing up sounds more pleasant than vomit.  The word vomit feels almost violent and yet with throw up it could be more like a soft light pitch.  Didn’t know I could talk about this disgusting natural act so much, did ya?  I will try to come up with some different thoughts.  I don’t think that the purging of emotions is any less disgusting for the person doing the purging than if they were vomiting.  It really is better to think about the other side of catharsis and not the bumpy journey.  Here are a couple things that ease my cathartic transitions. 

When I go home to spend time with my Aunts on their farm as I slow drive down the dirt roads of Kansas every tiny muscle in my body relaxes.  There are no more worries.  I don’t care about my bills.  The tension of the city and the fighting of the people disappears.  Nothing takes 10 years off my life faster.  I am at once the little Kansas farm girl of my youth and the rejuvenated city adult.  I try to never go more then a year between visits.  I know that no matter what they love me fully and completely for every ounce of my strengths and weaknesses.  It is the closest I feel to my mom.  

 I do love the feeling of recycling.  It makes me feel lighter.  I practically sing as I drive away from the recycling center.  Do I think I’m saving the world all by my little self?  Nah, but it makes me feel like I’m doing something.

 Nature is pretty cathartic.  Well, this is the best I got.  I’m still thinking about how good I feel after I vomit. 

Hades is Anticipation

This week the hostess is Christine E-E of Silver Linings 4 Me.  She picked Anticipation.  Hop over to her place to see all the interpretations of anticipation.  Since I’m, also, doing A to Z and today is H, I combined the two.  H is for Hades.  For me Hades is a big bundle of anticipation.  While Hades can be the name of King of the Underworld.  It is used equally to denote hell or the underworld.  Either works in this case.  The King can punish me with anticipation or the impeding threat of punishment which in itself is anticipation.  Or I can suffer in a world of anticipation wondering when I will get a glass of water. 

I’m not a fan of the word anticipation because it makes me think of the word patience.  I find in my world they equal each other.  In order to be anticipating something, I have to have the patience to wait for it.  I have no patience.  When I was young my cousin and I would open all our presents before Christmas.  The first year we did we were about five and she did it by sticking her finger in and ripping the paper.  We got spanked so we got smarter.  The next year we were armed with a razor blade and scotch tape.  We carefully opened each present by slicing along the tape and retaping when we were done.  Worked like a charm for years.   My other cousin would do things like put something small in a big box just to throw me off the scent.  One year my family didn’t put my name on any of my presents so I wouldn’t know.  That truly sucked.  So you see…anticipation leads to anxiety for me.  I’m working on this but I am who I am.  I love to rush into life full force and anticipation be damned. 

So in Junebug fashion….
While I consider myself an avid explorer of life…
Anticipation doesn’t have me leaping for joy…
It has me crawling out of the depths of Hades in search of a *bucks. 

Weekword: AMUSE!

Do I look amused yet?  
How about a joke? 
Knock. Knock.
Who is there? 
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock. Knock. 
Who is there?
Banana. 
Banana who?
Knock. Knock. 
Who is there?
Orange. 
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?  
That amused you right?  
Certainly these websites will do the job if I can’t…
&
These brave folks signed up for Weekword.
Joye of Joyefulart
Kristin of Razzy’s Corner
Christine E-E of Silver Linings 4 Me
Katy of Misericordia
If I missed you or you just decided on a whim to join in just let me know and I will add you to the list.  
Please note that some like to post on Saturday so if you don’t see anything there check back again. 
Still need a host for next week’s weekword.  Any takers?
Now how do you feel? 

Happy April Fool’s Day!!!!

This post combines Weekword and the A to Z challenge!  I am Queen of Multi-tasking!